WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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