How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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