I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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