So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Randomize
