You kept calling me your small dog last night.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
