I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
