Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor