worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
