and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
