I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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