Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
