Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
