I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
