Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
