Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
