i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
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