You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm too high and old for this...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
