We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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