You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
