My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
