It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
