fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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