Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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