I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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