Define "chronic" masturbator.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Even my vagina gasped.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
