my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
