Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize