There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
