is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
