I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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