I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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