Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
