like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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