So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
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This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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