she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I have already put on my inside pants.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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