she looked like the bat from fern gully.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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