Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
