do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
