i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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