Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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