I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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