Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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