Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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