she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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