Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
