Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
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nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
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I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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