Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
