he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
