ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
