can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
