i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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