maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
