so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
