I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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