there's paper in my vomit.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
