I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The beers last night were like the tears from god
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Randomize
