Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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