he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
