Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
