I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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