I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
