"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Let's get the cat blown out
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
