Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
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I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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