party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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