I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
