My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
