you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
