i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
