Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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