I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You can't just leave with hair like that
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
