I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
