why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
