wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
