just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
