literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
