Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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