what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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